First, do you remember the post, Do you allow yourself to embrace emptiness? Here is why I ask…
My Missing Husband
Monday was difficult. It was our fourth day in Paris. By then I expected to be well-rested, full of “Paris Passion” and settling into a rhythm of writing and exploration. Instead I faced a clogged toilet, a missing husband and continuing jet-lagged sleep disruption that had me fully off-kilter.
My expectation that I should be feeling otherwise did not help.
That night, as I was once again lying in bed unable to fall asleep, I realized just how powerfully I was walking in the unknown. Even though I had visited Paris many times before, this sojourn was for a longer stay and with a different purpose. I was living in a new space, navigating unfamiliar neighborhoods and reawakening dormant French language pathways.
Underlying all of that was a pulsing energy of change that had to do with an inner demand to venture into new terrain. My outer world was simply mirroring my inner unfolding.
It reveals itself as the void; in that space between endings and beginnings that has no definition or form. When it is unrecognized you feel uncomfortable, as if you are coming down with something or feeling upset about something. Then you attempt to address the void by filling it with fear or other emotions, spiraling into confusion.
When acknowledged, you can relax into the formlessness without a need for content or explanation. A new level of receiving becomes possible.
As I gave voice to what was occurring, I felt my body settle with the feeling of truth. You can learn to know how truth feels in the body, recognizing when it is present and when it is not.
As the tension gave way to a feeling of peacefulness, sleep beckoned. Now, as I as I sit in the calm, I am able to gratefully surrender to the unknown path which is opening before me.
Look for the space that is opening in your life. Without trying to push it into a form, settle into the vastness that lies before you. Breathe in what is unknown. Acknowledge that change is happening and give yourself time for something new to unfold.
Can you give yourself the gift of patience? it’s what is needed. Patience and gentleness with yourself.
PS: My husband, who had spent hours wandering lost in our neighborhood, finally made it back home! And I got the toilet unclogged as well, learning a few new French words in the process.
Breathe and Reflect
Take a breath. Release it. Take another. Devote some dedicated time of concentration/meditation. It doesn’t need to be hours of quiet, perhaps only 15 minutes. Then allow the question to simmer within you through the weekend. Let responses bubble up into your awareness. Notice new ways of thinking, of images or ideas that arise spontaneously. Pay attention to your dreams. Let it happen. Be aware. See where it leads you next. Let yourself savor this process of receiving from yourself. Don’t judge whatever comes up, just receive it. Make notes.
You may want to share something from this process. Sharing is an important way to anchor an insight in your body. It leads you to deeper insight. It stimulates action. Feel free to use this arena to share whatever moves you.