Each of us has a story to tell that calls forth the mystery of “who we are”.
As you tell this story–to yourself or to anyone else–you choose to call out different aspects: the dramatic moments that you think are important, the struggles that you imagine define you, or the moments in time where, if you connect the dots, paint a picture of a life that holds more promise than you thought possible.
Here is the thing. You choose what you pay attention to. You choose as well the meaning that you give to it.
This happens in every moment.
You have a choice to view each experience, every part of your story, through the lens of the creative spark of life. Or you can forever doubt the truth of your own inner experience, giving credence only to what comes from the outside, believing that what you were taught is true.
That self-doubt, for me, used to define my suffering.
Surrender: Anything But Sweet
You may know “Sweet Surrender.” But surrender was never sweet for me. It meant losing—losing face, losing the game, losing who I thought I was. The truth was that I felt like I would lose myself if I surrendered, even if I didn’t have a clear notion of what that really meant.
If I stayed in control, I would be safe, so I believed. This, even as my gut was clenched against a blow that never came and my spirit sagged beneath the weight of my own sorry expectations.
My years as a psychotherapist taught me to think of this as “using defense mechanisms to survive”. But all the therapy, encounter groups, and self-help books didn’t teach me what I needed to know in order to feel a sense of inner peace.
Because how do you surrender when you feel like doing so puts your existence on the line?
The Inner Realm Unlocks the Door
Yet, the dream of something far bigger was nascent within me, bubbling away underground and surfacing regularly. It kept me moving towards something that was quietly waiting behind what was visible.
I wanted to trust that something existed beyond my generalized fear of life. But I needed to get quiet enough, long enough, consistently enough to experience the inner realm that was waiting for me.
It was not until I had the opportunity to receive energy transmissions during a time of deep meditation, that a new way of being with myself opened up. I felt such extraordinary Love, far beyond what I had ever known was possible. It was not emotional in the slightest. It was the vibration of Unconditional Love.
It gave me a feeling of utter well-being and connectedness to something greater than me.
It was at the very same time an integral part of me.
I could no longer doubt that the grandness in life that I had longed to experience actually existed. It was this inner experience of Love that took root in me and opened the way to transform my life in unimaginable ways. The boundaries melted away with the experiential recognition of a new life beginning to bloom.
It was the beginning of learning about the possibilities inherent in surrender. That there was something very precious to gain rather than an identity to lose.
What about you? Will you surrender to who you are? It’s time. And it is magnificent. Because you are.
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