What do you do with your expectations when the world stops feeling familiar?


What’s happening with me? Why can’t I focus? How come I don’t seem to be able to get it together?

Ever ask yourself these kinds of questions?

The Impact of Expectations

Each morning you wake up with expectations that the basic structure of your life will be the same as it was yesterday. Within that structure will be all sorts of variations requiring a greater or lesser degree of flexibility to respond effectively. You take a few deep breaths, adjust your thinking, or alter your usual response—all in service to flow with what comes your way.

But what if…?

What happens when the magnitude of change leaves you staring at yourself in the mirror, wondering who you are and what comes next? The precipitating event may be expected (marriage, birth of a child, changing careers, retirement) or one that comes out of the blue (the passing away of someone close, discovering you have an illness, losing your job).

Realize that you will not be able to simply continue on as you did.

The impact to your energetic, emotional and physical systems is more profound than you are aware. The emptiness of the void, the space that opens up when change is happening, will be startling. Don’t rush to fill it with activity or next steps. Understanding will come later. Change brings about a shift in consciousness that has to be integrated before the manifestations can be seen.

You cannot push yourself into alignment. 

Alignment has to unfold. Think of the changes as a series of energetic vibrations. These energetic vibrations are the vehicle for making changes from the cellular level outward. If you resist them, you will feel the emotional side of upheaval—confused, uncertain and upset.

Instead, keep your attention on what you are receiving. Once this energy is integrated you will find a new reference point within yourself.

Listen to what you need

When change is this powerful it is vital to pay close attention to what your body needs. You may need more sleep, time to stretch or to take walks. Most of all, you need to be quiet and allow your body to catch up with all the change. Your patterns and thoughts will be tempted to fill the vacant space. You will look for what is wrong so you can understand and take control. Set judgment aside. Don’t seek to control life or figure out what to do. You need time to align with the changes, probably more than you would consider necessary. Being gentle and loving with yourself is essential.

Pay attention to your changes, everything from how you feel to the way you approach life situations. You may find yourself prioritizing differently, making unusual choices about what is important. Your self-definition and your approach to life is changing.

You cannot approach life from what was; you can only explore how it can be now.

Every change requires letting go of expectations of how your life would unfold. Every change will bring something new. Discover yourself and this new world. This is where you find your potential.

Will you allow yourself to receive what is possible?


early-morning-299735_640Take a breath. Release it. Take another. Devote some dedicated time of concentration/meditation. It doesn’t need to be hours of quiet, perhaps only 15 minutes. Then allow the question to simmer within you through the weekend. Let responses bubble up into your awareness. Notice new ways of thinking, of images or ideas that arise spontaneously. Pay attention to your dreams. Let it happen. Be aware. See where it leads you next. Let yourself savor this process of receiving from yourself. Don’t judge whatever comes up, just receive it. Make notes.

You may want to share something from this process. Sharing can be an important way to anchor an insight in your body. It can lead you to deeper insight. It can stimulate action.

Scroll down and add your comments. We’d love to hear from you!

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23 Responses

  1. I love your site. I feel like I have entered another way of thinking when I come here. It feels like a retreat hidden away in the mountains.
    I have written down a line from here… “allow yourself to receive what is possible.”

  2. Having been diagnosed with a life threatening illness 10 years ago, I knew that life as I knew it would never be the same. Some changes were drastic – slow down, eat better, ditch bad relationships, don’t take baloney from other people (unless it’s the food type, but even then ewwwwww….) I became my favorite quote by TS Elliot: “If you are unwilling to set your terms upon life, then you must be willing to accept what life offers you.” I stopped accepting what life offered me cold turkey and started setting my own terms.

    Best decision ever!

  3. Awesome, Laurie!

    The feeling of coming into alignment is the most powerful thing in the world. Once we’ve felt it, it becomes easier to notice we we are out of sync, and easier to bring ourselves back.

    Life gets so much better when mind, body, and spirit are all in sync when we honour, cherish, and celebrate who we truly are.

  4. What a timely post. This week I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with two different women adjusting to “acquired disability.” Talk about a journey… that shift from needing to “fix it” to allowing the new normal to unfold… a big trip, for sure. Thanks.

  5. Glad to see you back in Visionary Female Authors. This line created a nice aha moment for me: “You cannot push yourself into alignment. It has to unfold.” I love to reinvent myself, I embrace change and look forward to life being different on a daily basis but I often want to rush, to push myself into the next phase and true joy and success have come when I have allowed life to unfold and just followed my intuition.

  6. When normal things in your life changes the emptiness is hard it is like grieving.Once you gain a new alignment it makes you stronger as a person.This site has given me a renewed strength!

    1. I am so glad, Gloria! With that renewed strength and alignment your next steps become more clear. Thanks for sharing that.

  7. lost my wife a year ago, cancer, I loved her very much , she knew this, I fought hard against this disease, too hard perhaps as I could not see the inevitable. I pushed her to fight when perhaps,I should not have done. now my conscience troubles me I think only of the many things I did wrong, I am struggling to find peace. I miss her so much.

    1. Thank you for sharing that, Mr. Hughes. It is wonderful that your wife knew how much you loved her. With her gone I can imagine you feel such a void in your life. What if you were to consider that the void is inside of you, too? All of your thoughts about what you may have done wrong are filling this empty space. They are blocking you from moving on. What if you were to allow yourself to simply feel that empty space? To give yourself the time to let it unfold and bring you something new about life? Read through this post again. See what your body needs to feel nurtured. Do whatever that is.Take the steps toward this new part of your life. Peace will come, even as you miss her still.

  8. hope you are right, yes my wife knew how much I loved her, there was never anyone else, but still the recollections I have each day are usually about what I did wrong , what I said wrong these things were born out of frustration and pressure, how come she carried this burden so much better than I. I told her each day that I loved her and she was my true hero. hope to talk again soon.

    1. I imagine you were her hero as well. Nobody outside of you knows how incredibly difficult it is to go through what you did. Now it is time to forgive yourself for any perceived missteps and hold tightly to the beautiful moments. I’m sure there were many of those. Then there are the beautiful moments you get to create now. It is up to you to choose which moments you want to focus on.

  9. Reading your article was very timely for me.
    My mother passed away very suddenly at the beginning of this month and due to family interference, I wasn’t able to attend my mother’s funeral. As a result of this, I don’t feel that I have closure and am in denial. Your article has helped me somewhat to try and think differently, or in fact, not think at all and just let my body and mind sort my feelings out in its own time. Thank you.

    1. Charmaine–What a time this must be for you! Sorting out of this kind takes physical time. It sounds like you are trusting your inner wisdom to do the work.

      I understand not having closure. I was six years old when my father died and did not go to the funeral (my mother thought I was too young). Perhaps you can create a memorial of your own where you celebrate your mother’s life.

  10. Charmaine, if you’re reading this, please connect with me. I can help you in an easy and painless way to be at peace with your mother’s passing. A parent’s death can affect a person for decades, no matter what the circumstances. No talk therapy. If comments are moderated Laurie, perhaps you can connect us rather privately rather than posting this publicly.

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